There’s a nagging thought that I’ve had for the past few weeks that I just can’t seem to shake…and it goes like this – school is overrated. Now that I’ve got your attention, let me explain. School is important – I went to school for a long time (I have a Master’s Degree), and at some point I’ll probably go back and do more (I want a Ph.D eventually). So school is definitely important, but it’s still overrated. It’s now sort of unconsciously expected that we’ll learn everything we need to know about life from school…and this is not even remotely close to truth.
I’m a huge proponent of socio-emotional learning that happens outside of school. Part of the reason that I push this type of experience so much is the fact that it doesn’t matter who does the study, whether it’s qualitative or quantitative, or whether it’s longitudinal or short-term; the fact that remains is that the greatest predictors for success are not (and never have been) academics. Wait a minute, are you saying academics aren’t important? Nope. Just that we have an unrealistic expectation of what academics can do for our kids. Social skills and emotional stability are the greatest predictors of future success, and we seem to be moving in the opposite direction. But what about all the emphasis on bullying these days? Some of it is definitely helpful, but at a certain point we reach a level of sanctioned incompetence and begin to create helpless victims. I could go on ad nauseum on this topic, but instead I’ll offer some practical suggestions. What can you do to help your kids (and even yourself) become more socially and emotionally intelligent? Try these:
- Require responsibility. Don’t rescue when the problem is something that can be solved with already acquired skills or those that are easily acquired.
- Acquire (or help them acquire) the skills you see that are lacking. Ask for help if you don’t know what to do.
- Summer camp. Of course I’m going to push summer camp! There’s no better environment on earth for kids to practice the social and emotional skills needed to be successful in life. Their learning and they don’t even know it, and those kids who experience summer camp (in the right setting of course) come away as individuals changed for the better, and better prepared for success in life – yes, even in school the next fall!
- Want to develop behavioral skills? Give behavioral lessons!
In closing, hear me say that I don’t think school is not important…but do hear me say that you will be woefully disappointed if you expect your child to gain everything they need from a school experience. Above all else they need love, support, and boundaries from mom and dad, and on top of that they absolutely need opportunities to experience life practically. Social skills and emotional intelligence will actually increase their school abilities (a stressed brain is not a learning brain). So take some time to play. Take some time to observe and engage your kids in social situations. Offer suggestions when needed, and watch the magic happen!